We grow up with the belief that being selfish is wrong—that we must put others’ needs before our own in exchange for love and approval. As a result, we suppress our healthy selfishness and replace it with compulsive altruism. In doing so, we fail to address our immature selfishness and come to believe that simply wanting to be happy is selfish. This creates a deep internal conflict: you crave love and approval, but to get it, you feel forced to suppress your own desires, leading to the paradox of needing to be unhappy in order to be happy.
As we mature, we become dependent on others and external situations to define our worth. You rely on what others think of you or on their need for you, and you never learn to respect your own boundaries because giving to others feels more important than giving to yourself.
This can only lead to codependency and a lack of self-worth. You will never truly feel valued if your main goal is to seek love and admiration from external sources. You might receive it temporarily, but it will never be enough.
This pattern is deeply ingrained in our unconscious minds, and breaking free from it requires consistent effort. The first step is reconnecting with our desires and discerning whether they stem from immature selfishness or healthy selfishness. Reconnecting to healthy selfishness means learning to love and value yourself. Only you can truly give yourself the value you deserve.
With self-worth comes self-responsibility and self-accountability. When you take responsibility for creating genuine happiness in your life, you start seeking ways to overcome your challenges. By doing so, you start your journey toward self-worth and empowerment, from the entangled dependency and the pathway toward self-love and clarity.