We grow up with the idea that we can’t be selfish, that we have to put the needs of others above our own needs in the exchange of love and approval. Therefore, we learn to suppress our selfishness and to replace it with compulsive altruism. By doing this, we don’t learn to treat our immature selfishness, and we end up believing that wanting to be happy itself is selfish. This creates a great internal conflict because you want love and approval, but for this, you have to suppress all your desires. Therefore, you have to be unhappy to be happy.
As a result, we grow up being dependent on other people and situations that are outside of ourselves to look for our worth: you depend on what people think of you, or the fact that people need you. You don’t learn to respect your boundaries because giving to the other is much more important than giving to yourself.
This can’t lead to anything else other than co-dependency and a lack of self-worth; you will never be valued if your main purpose is to have love and admirations from external circumstances. You might even have it for a moment, but it will never be enough.
This pattern is so rooted in our unconscious mind that we have to make a consistent effort to break free from it. The first step is to be able to re-connect with our desires and to know if their driven force is immature selfishness or divine selfishness. To reconnect with your divine selfishness implies that you are learning to love and value yourself. Only you are able to value you.
With self-worth also comes self-responsibility and self-accountability: if you are responsible enough to create true happiness in your life, you will look for your pathway to overcome your difficulties. By doing that you start to live your life from a more empowered Perspective.