Have you ever found yourself in a situation that felt oddly familiar, as if you were reliving something painful from long ago, even though the context was different?
Unresolved trauma doesn’t just live in our memories, it lives in our bodies. Even when we believe we’ve moved on, our nervous system may still carry the imprint of past wounds: moments of rupture, neglect, abandonment, or unmet emotional needs. These imprints don’t remain dormant. Instead, they often express themselves through trauma reenactment (unconscious patterns that repeat in our current lives).
What is Trauma Reenactment?
Trauma reenactment is the unconscious repetition of unresolved emotional wounds in new relationships or life situations. It happens when the body and psyche attempt to complete an unfinished story, to recreate a similar experience with the hope that this time, the outcome will be different.
But without conscious awareness or support, the ending rarely changes. Instead, it reinforces the original pain, leading to feelings of confusion, disappointment, and deeper emotional wounding.
Let’s take as an example high-achievers. Someone who comes from a family that values performance, but however, they never seem happy enough with the achievements. This person learned that in order to be loved, they have to perform well. When they are able to, they feel proud, and a deep, quiet hope rises that someone will notice, validate, or celebrate their effort. But when that recognition doesn’t come, or comes in a superficial way, an old wound is triggered. Instead of reaching out or expressing their disappointment, they shut down. The initial excitement turns into shame or self-blame, and they withdraw confirming the belief that success leads to invisibility, and also that visibility is unsafe. What could have been a moment of connection becomes another chapter of isolation.
In this cycle, empowerment and achievement, experiences that should feel expansive, become tangled with fear, vulnerability, and disappointment. Instead of reinforcing self-worth, they quietly reinforce a deeper belief: that being seen comes at a cost, and that no amount of success will ever be enough to truly earn love or belonging.
If I succeed I will be loved → hope → I feel unseen → I collapse emotionally → I end up alone → I have to put in more effort and be better (and this creates a never ending loop).
Why Reenactment Is Retraumatizing
Reenactment doesn’t always involve dramatic events. Often, it’s the subtle repetition of emotional disconnection that hurts the most. When we once again feel ignored, shamed, or misunderstood, even in small ways, the original wound is reopened. Over time, this repeated confirmation can erode not only our trust in others but also our trust in ourselves. We begin to doubt our perceptions, our needs, and even our right to want more.
Can you recognize any recurring patterns in your life, moments where the same emotional outcome keeps happening, no matter how much you try to do things differently?
How NARM Can Help Break the Cycle
The NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM) is a therapeutic approach designed to bring these unconscious patterns into awareness, not by retelling the past, but by exploring how the past continues to shape our present.
Rather than focusing on what happened then, NARM invites us to notice what is happening now, in our bodies, in our relationships, in our sense of self.
Through compassionate inquiry and gentle body awareness, NARM helps you:
- Identify survival strategies that once protected you but now limit your capacity for connection
- Differentiate between your adaptive self (who you became to survive) and your authentic self (who you truly are)
- Build the internal safety needed to stay connected – to yourself and others – without self-abandonment
- Interrupt the automatic loop of reenactment, making room for new and healing relational experiences
This work is about reconnecting with the parts of you that never stopped longing for real presence, emotional safety, and the freedom to be fully alive in your own story.