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We grow up with the belief that being selfish is wrong—that we must put others’ needs before our own in exchange for love and approval. As a result, we suppress our healthy selfishness and replace it with compulsive altruism. In doing so, we fail to address our immature selfishness and come to believe that simply wanting to be happy is selfish. This creates a deep internal conflict: you crave love and approval, but to get it, you feel forced to suppress your own desires, leading to the paradox of needing to be unhappy in order to be happy. As we…